Worthless Love
by frozen tears
Summary: Hatori's angst. It's a little weird because I did this stroy when I was kinda depressed, so all the ideas are out of order. Forgive me for the inconvienence.


Worthless Love.  
PG- because of negative view of love.  
  
I am such a foolish man. I had believed that love was a beautiful thing.  
  
Not something that hurts and breaks the heart. Proves how smart I am.  
  
Why am I depressing over something that I can't feel anymore? It's a waste  
  
of my time. Right? They all tell me to love again. Why? To be hurt again?  
  
To be proven that love doesn't exist? I am told that I'm like cold snow. How  
  
can you turn snow into flowers? You can't grow flowers in snow. Shigure  
  
other day told me that I could love again. Just let the sun shine on my heart  
  
again and a flower will bloom again. Just like the little flower at his house.  
  
That little flower blossomed in his house and brought peace to his household.  
  
That won't work with me. As much as that little flower might try, she can't  
  
make me feel love again.  
  
Well, that's what I wanted my heart to think. But it thought otherwise. The  
  
second I first saw her, I thought ' she reminds me of her.' Tohru Honda.  
  
She's going to be the downfall of the life I had created. As much as I want to  
  
dislike her, I can't. My heart tells me to love the girl. I don't want to be hurt,  
  
and I don't want her to be hurt. If I love her, Akito will find a way to destroy  
  
me, her and the love.  
  
I am positivily insane. I don't want to love her, but yet I still want to love  
  
her. I'm arguing with something that I have tried to hide for a couple of  
  
years. How stupid can I get. Yesterday, Ayame came up to me and  
  
commented on my slowly melting heart. Teased me about loving Tohru.  
  
Her soft hair, her baby soft skin, small full lips and that small petite body,  
  
Oh God, I'm fantisizing over her. She's probably taken by Yuki or Kyo.  
  
Should Shigure find out about this fantisizing, he'll tease me for life. Along  
  
with Ayame. I'm a doctor, and my mind is slightly unstable. My choices are  
  
being changed all because of my heart. I'm supposed to be ruled by the mind.  
  
I feel bad about still being upset about Kana and at the same time, fantisizing  
  
about another younger girl. Akito noticed my strange behavior today and  
  
commented on it. "Hatori, you are thinking about something. It's making  
  
you look unsure of what you are doing." then he asked, "Hatori, are you in  
  
love with a girl again? Don't lie to me. I can feel it in your touch. Tell me  
  
Hatori, are you? Is it Kisa? Kagura? Rin?" when I don't answer, he says,  
  
"Or is it Tohru Honda?" I didn't answer but just walked out and saying to  
  
get rest and eat everything that he gets on his lunch tray.  
  
How could Akito know what I'm feeling? But even worse, how could he  
  
think that I'm in love with Kisa like that? Or with Kagura or Rin? They are  
  
my cousins and Kagura loves Kyo. Why hasn't Akito tried to break apart  
  
Kagura and Kyo? Why must he pick on me? Is it a crime to love?  
  
Apparently for me, it is. I can't love, can't show cry and can't express my  
  
emotions. I'm a machine. Why must my life be like this? All this stress is  
  
the reason to why I smoke. Everyone has asked me why I smoke and aren't I  
  
a doctor? When someone is stresed they do things that are bad for their  
  
health.  
  
"Lossen up Hatori." they tell me, but how am I supposed to? I've been told  
  
to be indifferent to the world. When I'm told to do something, I usually do it,  
  
unless it's something stupid that Shigure or Ayame wants me to do.  
  
Oh God, why must Love be so painful and confusing? Why cann't it be  
  
sweet and simple? When I look at Hiro and Kisa, I think ' what a innocent  
  
love they share. They don't know what pains others have to go through in  
  
to get or have love.  
  
Now that I think about it, I realize, who needs love? There are many people  
  
who are living happily without loving any one. But then, do they have the  
  
memories that I have? No. I'll forget about the worthless thing they call love  
  
and live my life quietly. I won't hurt myself. And I won't hurt anyone else. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ************************************************************** ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ So how was it? It's kind of out of order, but I jusst put down whatever came into mind. That's how all my stories are. Review and tell me how this story was. If this seemed real weird, let me know, so then I'll neverr try to do an angst again. with love for the readers of this story, frozen tears 


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